If you had told me at the beginning of this year that I would be a published writer and that I would have been invited to take part in an exhibition as a poet, I would probably would have rolled my eyes at you. Me? Be a writer? Oh please. Even though I have been secretly writing for years, being a writer didn't even occur to me as a possibility. The voices in my head more often than not portray me as a victim. Who am I to think I am important enough to share my opinions with the world? If I compare myself to writers that I admire and respect, my work is never as good and I am left feeling intimidated and scared.
Why am I scared of writing? Why am I scared to share myself with the world and the people I love? Fear. Fear of rejection, fear of judgement, fear of being unloved and unsupported. Putting words and how I feel out into the world leaves me at my most vulnerable. Even as I write these words, the voice in my head keeps telling me not to. It keeps telling me that I will embarrass myself and that if I send this to people, they won't get it and will think I'm arrogant and narcissistic.
I am choosing instead to not let my fear and worry win. I am choosing to create a new possibility for myself. I am choosing life. All those negative thoughts have done nothing for me except keep me small and scared of doing anything with my life. The only way I will have an extraordinary life is to do things that are greater than I think I am and to continuously push myself way out of my comfort zone.
So here I am, being vulnerable about to send this out into the big wide world. I don't know who will read this. I don't know if this will make any impact on anyone else other than myself. What I do know is that the only way I will be able to change my thinking and change my world is to change myself.
*This post is part of the DigiWriMo Project in association with Write On! South Africa - Today's Topic is: Be Brave